Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
