My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
