Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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