So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This baby is an asshole
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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