just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
