do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
