i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
