My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
