My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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