The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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