My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
