You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
