Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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