I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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