There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
