I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize