you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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