if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
