he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A bitchslap is in order.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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