I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
