It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
