My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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