Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
