I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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