I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
