I heard we made out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize