Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
