Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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