who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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