We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
MIDGETS
????
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize