Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
