Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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