I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this hospital has no fireball
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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