i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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