ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stop calling my apartment porn island.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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