some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
