He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
