a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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