the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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