fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
