This is not my ceiling
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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