I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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