And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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