I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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