Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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