it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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