I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
