he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
