No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
