You're so nebulous sometimes
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
