Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
