I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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