Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
