I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
