wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
