after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
