What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
