Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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