I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
