I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
