I heard we made out
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
