so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
