So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
