glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
