u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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