Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
