she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
