I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
