I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
