Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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