apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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